This is My Kingdom Come
by vcbxnzm21
Summary: Remus Lupin has had a hard life. From childhood he has only experienced joy a few times in his life. This is the story of those times and how life always seems to take it away from him. Written for round two of the quidditch league! Rated T to be safe.


**AN: Hello everyone! I'm back! So here is my entry for Round 2 of the Quidditch Comp! So enjoy! And please review!**

 **My prompts were the song 'Demons' by Imagine Dragons and the word burst.**

 **I also had to convey the emotion happy without using the words happy or happiness. (I was allowed to use happiest though!)**

 **So please enjoy!**

 ** _Title and lyrics belong to Imagine Dragons. I am just using them as inspiration for this story!_**

There were few times in his life that Remus Lupin felt actual joy.

One of the first times that he could remember when he actually felt content was when he was little. Around three or maybe even four.

He had just woken up from a particularly nasty nightmare and screamed for his mother, tears making their way down his face. Within seconds the woman was at the door.

Remus stared into her tired eyes as she laid next to him in his small bed. She reached out and wiped at the tears cascading down his face. With a small smile she drew her son into her warm embrace. She started to sing then, rubbing soothing circles on his small back under her hands. She told him a story. One of the fairytales that always had the happiest you can't use happiest endings.

The little boy could smell his mother's perfume as his breathing slowly quieted and calmed. Her gentle voice lulled him into an almost blissful state. He would have been glad to stay in his mother's arms forever, just listening to her voice.

But soon his eyes started to droop and with a final yawn he was asleep once again. But the smile on his lips was not missed by his mother.

 _When your dreams all fail_

 _And the ones we hail_

 _And the worst of all_

 _And the bloods run stale_

But then that night came. Any feelings of joy that had settled over the small cottage that the Lupins lived in was shattered. Fenrir Greyback had attacked.

Remus's father had been expecting this for some time. He knew that the werewolf wanted to get revenge, but he hadn't expected it to go after his son.

The werewolf had torn through half the house by the time that he had found little Remus cowering against the far side of his room. With a feral look in his eyes he attacked, biting and scratching the poor boy. All it took was a few seconds.

Suddenly the werewolf was thrown across the room. Fenrir slumped against the wall as Remus looked up to see his father standing in the door way, his mother not far behind. Tears ran down his face as the small boy stood on wobbly legs before running from the room and into his parent's arms.

While attacker may have been defeated, Remus would still be scared for life. Forced every month to turn into a monster. The boy that Remus once was no longer existed.

 _I wanna hide the truth_

 _I wanna shelter you_

 _But with the beast inside_

 _There's nowhere we can hide_

It was a while after that before Remus felt that same feeling of lightheartedness again. His parents forced him to live a quiet life, away from any highly populated towns or villages. That way, when the full moons came, no one would get hurt.

When the letter came a few days after the full moon just before his eleventh birthday, Remus could feel it. That hopefulness and optimism filling his every bone, every weary muscle, every single part of him.

Then they said no. His parents looked him in the eye and told him that going to school was too reckless. The sound of his own heart breaking haunted him for days afterwards.

When Professor Dumbledore came a few months later Remus knew that his parents couldn't refuse the man. The Headmaster told his parents of the ways that the professors could keep Remus safe and at bay while in his werewolf form and still help him attend school. It was then that the young werewolf knew that he would get his chance to live a real life.

But it was in his second year of school that the feeling had come back full force. His friends knew his dirty secret and they didn't _care_.

They didn't mock or tease or humiliate him. They didn't abandon or run from him. They didn't tell the whole school or even look at him differently than the way they had always looked at him. Instead they decided to help him.

It was then that Remus knew these three boys would be his friends for life. These three boys who didn't care that he was a monster were the people who made him feel normal again.

They made him feel human.

Remus couldn't keep the smile off his face for the rest of the day.

It was the first full moon that he spent with his transformed friends that he didn't end up hurting himself. Sure, the transformation was still just as painful; but instead of spending the night clawing and biting and tearing at his own skin, James, Sirius, and Peter led him through the night. And they did the same every following full moon.

His friends were able to distract him from the beast he was. They helped him through the worst nights of his life.

And the three boys never missed the smile that curled over the werewolf's mouth as he laid down at the end of the night before transforming back.

 _At the curtains call_

 _It's the last of all_

 _When the lights fade out_

 _All the sinners crawl_

Three days. That's all it took for Remus to lose the people most important to him. Three days.

First, James and Lily were murdered. They were killed in their home by Voldemort. Murdered so that the Dark Lord could kill a child. Murdered protecting their one year old son. Murdered for loving too much.

Remus isolated himself when he heard the news. Locked himself inside the small shack that he owned in Yorkshire. Word came two days later.

While drowning himself in firewhiskey at the local tavern he heard the news that his other two best friends were now gone.

Peter was murdered. He was murdered because he knew that the Potter's secret keeper had betrayed them to the Dark Lord.

Sirius murdered him. He became a murderer because he was the Potter's secret keeper.

The werewolf couldn't believe it. Sirius was no murderer and Sirius did not betray his friends. Sirius and James were closer than the rest of them. It was not possible that Padfoot would do anything to hurt his friends, let alone turn to the dark arts. Sirius would have rather died than betray the Potter's. He was Harry's godfather! He wouldn't turn his back on his infant godson.

But yet… it had happened.

Sirius was locked away in Azkaban to rot with the Dementors for the rest of his life while Peter… well, Peter was gone.

Remus hadn't cried since he was child; but hot, wet tears were made their way down his cheeks.

Two days later was the full moon. It was the worst that Remus had ever experienced. It was the first he had spent alone since James, Sirius, and Peter had learned to transform.

 _Don't wanna let you down_

 _But I am, hell bound_

 _Though this is all for you_

 _Don't wanna hide the truth_

It wasn't until thirteen years later that Remus felt it again. Joy. Delight. Contentment.

Ever since his professors had been so kind to him back in his school days, Remus had wanted nothing more than to be a professor himself. And now he was getting that chance. The man smiled as he climbed aboard the scarlet train that he hadn't seen in years.

It was almost like he was going home.

Then he saw the boy. Seeing Harry on the train only stirred up old memories of his long gone friends.

But they were good memories. Memories that he had almost forgotten about in the past years.

That feeling came back. The one that had been so rare in was starting to bubble up within him again. Remus was so glad to have it back.

And while the full moons were still rough, he made it through. Just being back at Hogwarts seemed to help. With the added benefit of Severus's potions, keeping his mind while in his wolf form was a great treasure.

But by the end of the year he was out of a job and once again homeless.

But, he had Sirius back, which was something that he never thought would happen. Gaining back his best friend was truly the best thing that Remus could have asked for in that moment. Living alone had put the werewolf through too much. It was too lonely on his own. But now he had Sirius.

Living with Sirius was fine, but he was different. He was no longer that boy that Remus knew from Hogwarts. Instead he was a frail, beaten down version.

When full moons came around Remus would take the potion that was given to him. Him and Padfoot would go out on runs and play in the woods near the cottage that Remus kept deep in the forest, away from any sort of civilization.

Things were going good for once. Or so it seemed. Were things perfect? No. But they were good - normal, even.

Remus never would have admitted this to anyone, but he loved Sirius. More than just as a friend or a brother, he was the person he could feel the closest to in his life.

As time went on, Remus seemed to grin more and more often, even if it was just a little smile. He was finally carefree.

Sirius never missed the cheerfulness his once serious friend had gained. And he never missed those small smiles that graced that usually frowning face.

 _They say it's what you make_

 _I say it's up to fate_

 _It's woven in my soul_

 _I need to let you go_

But all too soon things had to change. Remus had to go through the pain of losing his best friend… again. And now he had to see Harry's world shatter as well.

Remus cared for the boy like he was a son. But to watch the pain-filled expression as Sirius fell through the veil, to wrap the struggling body in his arms to keep him from running after the man, to hear the scream that tore through the slim body… it was something no one should ever have to experience.

But Remus knew what James would have wanted him to do. So he held on, trying to keep Harry back.

But the werewolf misjudged his own strength as well as Harry's and the boy was gone a few minutes later. Remus collapsed, suddenly so very tired.

The arch that took Sirius seemed to mock him as sobs overtook his body. An overwhelming pain gripped him as he gasped for breath.

Harry's cry echoed in his mind for days as Remus kept to himself, wandering around an empty house that belonged to a dead man.

 _Your eyes, they shine so bright_

 _I wanna save that light_

 _I can't escape this now_

 _Unless you show me how_

Remus decided to throw himself into the Order after that. He was useless otherwise. He needed to stay busy. He needed to keep his mind off of what had happened at the Ministry.

Day after day passed and still nothing seemed to break the trance that he had fallen into. Until she came along.

Nymphadora Tonks. Loud. Clumsy. Brash. Tender. Caring. Bossy. Funny. Annoying. Perfection. She was all this and more wrapped up in an ever-changing package. But she was his savior, his guiding light in the darkness that had become his life.

She didn't care that he was monster. She didn't care that he was older than her. She didn't care that he had nothing to offer her. She loved him through it all.

The way she would look at him made Remus's skin tingle and a feeling burst through his entire body. There was something in her eyes that he had never seen before. Not from his friends or even his family. It didn't take him long to realize that it was love in her eyes. She loved him. And he loved her.

Tonks never missed those small, shy smiles that he seemed to get whenever their eyes met. It was the happiest that she had seen him in a long time.

It was that night as they lay together, curled into each other's embrace, that Remus knew that maybe, just maybe, he found his paradise in this woman. Maybe he had finally found his fairytale ending.

A small smile graced his face.

 _Don't get too close_

 _It's dark inside_

 _It's where my demons hide_

 _It's where my demons hide_

 **AN: So I hope y'all enjoyed! And please remember to review! I think that this one of my favorites that I've written so far so I'd love to hear what you guys think of it!**

 **And good luck to all the other quidditch players!**


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